Marriage in modern world
Mariiage has been regarded as a union of love to promote healthy family living. It demands commitments from the parties involved to make it really a healthy relationship and promote family life that projects into the overall well being of the society… However, this has changed over the years.. Why is it so? you may ask. The reasons could be many and diversed.
Demand of life, survivals and greeds contributed a great deal to the collapse of marriages and the willingness and ability of able people to embrace marriage. An hungry person is an angry person… someone with no or scarce means of livehood will find it difficult to embark on such journey. This can be managed or overcome through perseverance and tenacity to make a living despite the challenges of modern life.
Another major factor that stands in the way of marriages or willingness to embrace marriage is the human egos… for women and men. Most women are in the world of so much illusion and fantasy, as well as in a state of resentment due to past history or feeling of being victims, which translate into so much or endless drama that can scare or turn-off any decent and peace loving man from daring into any form of association with such women. Some people need complete reprogramming of their brain and soul to flush out corrupted believes about other. The men egos may be born out of the macho tendencies which may superse sound sense of reasoning and respsonsibility.
The way to come out of this trance is sound humility, sincerity and willingness to make sense of marriage… Otherwise, it could be a forgone conclusion if folks are only interested in themselves alone, trying to eat their cake and try to have it. The modern (somewhat wishy-washy) life style does not promote healthy relationship required to sustain marriage. Anyone may try to make sense out of nonsense by trying to rantionalise this issue. The truth is: the fundamental chemical reactions and considerations to make marriage possible or work have not changed and willl not change, no matter how people try to change themselves and their life style. You can’t have it until you give it – that is the truth about love and commitment that a genuine relationship requires!
Categories: Dating | Relationship Tags: marriage, modern marriage, modern world, modern world marriage, troubled marriage
A real (& rare) partner
“A man who finds a wife, finds a good thing and received a favour from God….” So also, a woman who finds a good husband (partner) finds a good thing… It is a real blessing to find a good partner. A real partner or person is difficult to come by, especially these days… due to so many distractions, misplaced priorities and lack of self understanding as to what really a person wants or make him/her happy and be fulfilled.
A good and real partner is decent, has self respect, love him/herself and honest to him/herself; Expresses him/herself without fear, reflective, thoughtful and gracious. A real partner does not pretend to be perfect but acknowledge his/her limitations. A real partner recognize the importance of inter-dependence. He/she knows the true meaning of independent, as not arrogance or to conote liberty to do whatever pleaese him/her at the detriment of others, but as a prerequisite for interdependent.
A person who is not thoughful and reflective, will always be driven or influenced by others like a leaf that is blown in different directions, without knowing where it may land. A thoughtful and indepedent minded person will realize and know that he/she is responsible for his/her decision irrespective of his/her advisers.
Someone who is dishonest could lie or present manipulated description of issues to friends or advisers to shape the kind of advise (or suppport) they seek. You cannot blame your friends or advisers for outcome of your situation. A matured person takes responsibility for his/her successes and failures.
A real partner is becoming more and more difficult to find. Most people are influenced by the superficial world of deception, extreme selfishness and false imaginations. Love is no longer born out of deep feelings, but influenced by mostly what the naked eyes could behold. In essense, beware, love has been redefined in modern world – loving you for what you offer and very conditional. Don’t get me wrong, you don’t have to marry someone (everyone) you love, neither should you marry someone you don’t love. Living together requires more than love (though a critical factor), you need to be somewhat compatible to some degree and trust one another… It is a combination of chemistry (attraction), compatibility (include respect) and trust that ensure long term bonding.
Therefore to find someone who is real, you need to be real yourself. Otherwise, you will be lost in the world of false imaginations and perpetual deception. If you don’t know yourself and not real to yourself, you may find it difficult to identify and discover a real partner… because to the corrupt all things are corrupt. The pure in heart provides/offers the benefits of thought to all and treat all with uniquness they deserve… while not being naive, usually recognise a real person. To be loved you need the capacity to love. Even if you encountered a real person (who cares), you may not know or feel it, because you don’t know how to care or be real.
Knowing yourself is the beginging of your journey to a state of reality (being a real person and encountering or recognising a real person).
Categories: Dating | Relationship Tags: real partner real wife decent wife decent partner
Looking for love in wrong places
How many tiimes have you seen folks looking for partners in interesting places – bars, clubs, joints, etc.? To be hosnest, rarely man (decent or jerk) look for serious partner in such locations. Some may pretend as if it is cool, but inside them they know it is only for fun… expect nothing serious to come out of it. You may say, it worked for someone you know, but it is an extreme rare case… Hence if you want to bank your hope on such an extremely rare occurence… good luck. I just pity ladies who thinks men at those locations have any serious regards for them. I am not talking about professional or business clubs, with a different set of goals.
Men who go to those places, with rare exceptions, go there to enjoy themselves and let loose. Even some of those men desire decent women they can respect and establish a reliable relationship with. Look, I know folks in these categories, don’t be under any illusion to believe otherwise. I also know women who have been in such company for years and their situations have not changed. It is not because they are bad, it is just that they did not get it that looking for love in wrong places will not get you one.
to be continued…
Dating & Relationship – Behaviours interpretation
Coming soon…
Categories: Dating | Relationship Tags: dating behaviour behaviour interpretation
Categories: Dating | Relationship Tags: dating thoughts relationship advice dating advice
Dating ploys, tricks and bluffs
Coming soon…
Dating goals – chase to kill or to keep
Coming soon…
Categories: Dating | Relationship Tags: dating goal dating chase
Dating Story
Coming soon…
Categories: Dating | Relationship Tags: dating story
Chemistry, Compatibility and Trust
Coming soon…
Dating Advice for Women
This article is for those women who know themselves and for those who are not honest about themselves to wake from their slumber and rekindle their hope of a happy life, if they want or desire one.
To be loved, you need to appreciate, respect and love yourself first. What does this mean? First accept the fact you are a wonderful creature and capable of being the good, the bad or the ugly. Seriously, a woman or anyone for that matter is capable of doing different things – good, bad or ugly.
You must know yourself. If you don’t, you will find it difficult to understand why others respond to you in certain ways and you may find it difficult to learn. Learning is a continuous process, irrespective of age. If a man/woman seize to learn, he/she will start to forget what he/she already learned or knew.
Having realized your capability, you can portray your ability of great life – wellness, happiness and success by what you do, which is driven by your beliefs and cultural maturity. Do not expect positive result from dating and relationship if you show/have negative traits, behaviours and/or beliefs. You will get as much as you put in.
- Do not hate – it is not good for your well being. You hate men, possibly or usually born out of your past experience with jerks or wrong company. Also this could be as a result of past experience with parents or societal condescending attitudes or behaviours towards women. Expunge all hate from your system, which could move you towards vengeance. Vengeance hurt you more than the target and you will remain the victim.
- Stay clear of friends with bad influence – you smoke, drink or do drug because of your friends? That means you have no self esteem and you cannot make independent decision. You are not an independent woman, if you are controlled by negative things your friends do. Of course, if you do those things by your own conviction, that does not make it right neither, but at least you are on your own.
- Stop looking for men in wrong places – bars, night clubs etc. Men, even the jerks, want a reserved and decent woman for a long term relationship. A person that kills, do not want dangerous weapons close to him? Be yourself and be in companies of decent people, you will not regret it. Decent people are not boring.
- Do not play games or try to manipulate/control men or anyone for that matter. If you do, you are assuming others are unaware or ignorant of your manipulation. Even when a man choose to play along, depending on the stage of the dating or relationship, he may not respect you and you may be hardening his minds. Of course jerks will play with you to get what he wants and ready to bail afterward.
- Do not think it right to run over or disrespect a man, through game playing or manipulation. If you do and have your way, you may be looking forward to a bored and moron partner. No strong and intelligent man will ever fall for such crap or being treated with no respect. Teasing is not the same thing as playing game or manipulation. A decent and intelligent man may tolerate you for a while, but he will ignore and write you off once it is apparent you are a professional game or drama girl.
- Have a goal and be sincere with your goal. Confused goal leads you to no where. The more precise you are the better focus you will be in dating and establishing a sound relationship. If you do not have a definite goal or target, the possibility of getting there is remote. For instance a goal of seeking a good husband or partner could be vague, without knowing why you need a husband or partner. Be explicit and clear.
- Having a clear goal is great, being controlled by your friends is terrible and may lead you no where. If you want honest advice from honest friends and well wishers, you should present the fact right. Some friends will offer you honest advise, if you do not manipulate them to support your selfish thoughts. However, whatever advise you received, you are responsible for the decision you take, and you only will live with the consequence, so think right and act right.
- Don’t be your own enemy – guarding yourself should not be mistaken for being paranoid. You must be alert to all signals coming from your date. However, the way you stay alert and listen depends on your state of mind and your perception or view of the world (or your world). For instance if you are so much material wealth focused, you will definitely be captivated by a man that show an appearance of wealth even if he is superficial.
- Never get intimate with a man so quickly,without knowing his background (where he comes from, his state of mind, his state of health etc.). A friendly hug is sufficient in the early stage (first few weeks or even months). Do not be afraid to ask questions (be it tough, direct or bold), even if you don’t ask them at the early stage. Any serious and well meaning man looking for a serious relationship will respond to your curiosity. A precious food needs to be cooked slowly and graciously, no matter how you are attracted to the man. Asking lame questions will not serve your purpose of knowing the man to make informed decision.
- You will easily be deceived into false relationship if you do not have solid understanding of chemistry (usually physical attraction), compatibility and trust. Chemistry, though important to a lesser degree, will not sustain a relationship, but compatibility and trust will sustain a relationship. Chemistry, compatibility and trust are discussed under a separate article.
- If you intend to establish a long term relationship and have kids, the optimal age for a woman is 21 to 26, normal age is from 26 -30, late age is 31-35. Do not disillusion yourself to believing the hype of modern science that you can still be as active at a later age. The higher your age above 30, the more difficult it becomes for you to find a man willing to begin a new relationship with you. Most men are not willing to have kids with women much older than 30 or older than 35. You don’t have to believe this, but the reality may prove it to you Men and women of the age are not within the same state of physical stature and maturity.
- Do not deceive yourself – once you have kids your chance of establishing a new relationship becomes low or remote. Why? You may not be emotionally available, particularly if you are not organized. A woman with kids is not the same with a man with kids. A woman with kids, have been impacted physically and psychologically.
- Pets? Even men that do not mind pets, will not like to compete with pets for your time. If you cannot balance your time, you may have issues with developing and sustaining a relationship. You may think this is petty but it is real.
… to be continued.
