This article is for those women who know themselves and for those who are not honest about themselves to wake from their slumber and rekindle their hope of a happy life, if they want or desire one.
To be loved, you need to appreciate, respect and love yourself first. What does this mean? First accept the fact you are a wonderful creature and capable of being the good, the bad or the ugly. Seriously, a woman or anyone for that matter is capable of doing different things – good, bad or ugly.
You must know yourself. If you don’t, you will find it difficult to understand why others respond to you in certain ways and you may find it difficult to learn. Learning is a continuous process, irrespective of age. If a man/woman seize to learn, he/she will start to forget what he/she already learned or knew.
Having realized your capability, you can portray your ability of great life – wellness, happiness and success by what you do, which is driven by your beliefs and cultural maturity. Do not expect positive result from dating and relationship if you show/have negative traits, behaviours and/or beliefs. You will get as much as you put in.
- Do not hate – it is not good for your well being. You hate men, possibly or usually born out of your past experience with jerks or wrong company. Also this could be as a result of past experience with parents or societal condescending attitudes or behaviours towards women. Expunge all hate from your system, which could move you towards vengeance. Vengeance hurt you more than the target and you will remain the victim.
- Stay clear of friends with bad influence – you smoke, drink or do drug because of your friends? That means you have no self esteem and you cannot make independent decision. You are not an independent woman, if you are controlled by negative things your friends do. Of course, if you do those things by your own conviction, that does not make it right neither, but at least you are on your own.
- Stop looking for men in wrong places – bars, night clubs etc. Men, even the jerks, want a reserved and decent woman for a long term relationship. A person that kills, do not want dangerous weapons close to him? Be yourself and be in companies of decent people, you will not regret it. Decent people are not boring.
- Do not play games or try to manipulate/control men or anyone for that matter. If you do, you are assuming others are unaware or ignorant of your manipulation. Even when a man choose to play along, depending on the stage of the dating or relationship, he may not respect you and you may be hardening his minds. Of course jerks will play with you to get what he wants and ready to bail afterward.
- Do not think it right to run over or disrespect a man, through game playing or manipulation. If you do and have your way, you may be looking forward to a bored and moron partner. No strong and intelligent man will ever fall for such crap or being treated with no respect. Teasing is not the same thing as playing game or manipulation. A decent and intelligent man may tolerate you for a while, but he will ignore and write you off once it is apparent you are a professional game or drama girl.
- Have a goal and be sincere with your goal. Confused goal leads you to no where. The more precise you are the better focus you will be in dating and establishing a sound relationship. If you do not have a definite goal or target, the possibility of getting there is remote. For instance a goal of seeking a good husband or partner could be vague, without knowing why you need a husband or partner. Be explicit and clear.
- Having a clear goal is great, being controlled by your friends is terrible and may lead you no where. If you want honest advice from honest friends and well wishers, you should present the fact right. Some friends will offer you honest advise, if you do not manipulate them to support your selfish thoughts. However, whatever advise you received, you are responsible for the decision you take, and you only will live with the consequence, so think right and act right.
- Don’t be your own enemy – guarding yourself should not be mistaken for being paranoid. You must be alert to all signals coming from your date. However, the way you stay alert and listen depends on your state of mind and your perception or view of the world (or your world). For instance if you are so much material wealth focused, you will definitely be captivated by a man that show an appearance of wealth even if he is superficial.
- Never get intimate with a man so quickly,without knowing his background (where he comes from, his state of mind, his state of health etc.). A friendly hug is sufficient in the early stage (first few weeks or even months). Do not be afraid to ask questions (be it tough, direct or bold), even if you don’t ask them at the early stage. Any serious and well meaning man looking for a serious relationship will respond to your curiosity. A precious food needs to be cooked slowly and graciously, no matter how you are attracted to the man. Asking lame questions will not serve your purpose of knowing the man to make informed decision.
- You will easily be deceived into false relationship if you do not have solid understanding of chemistry (usually physical attraction), compatibility and trust. Chemistry, though important to a lesser degree, will not sustain a relationship, but compatibility and trust will sustain a relationship. Chemistry, compatibility and trust are discussed under a separate article.
- If you intend to establish a long term relationship and have kids, the optimal age for a woman is 21 to 26, normal age is from 26 -30, late age is 31-35. Do not disillusion yourself to believing the hype of modern science that you can still be as active at a later age. The higher your age above 30, the more difficult it becomes for you to find a man willing to begin a new relationship with you. Most men are not willing to have kids with women much older than 30 or older than 35. You don’t have to believe this, but the reality may prove it to you. Men and women of the age are not within the same state of physical stature and maturity.
- Do not deceive yourself – once you have kids your chance of establishing a new relationship becomes low or remote. Why? You may not be emotionally available, particularly if you are not organized. A woman with kids is not the same with a man with kids. A woman with kids, have been impacted physically, emotionally and psychologically.
- Pets? Even men that do not mind pets, will not like to compete with pets for your time. If you cannot balance your time, you may have issues with developing and sustaining a relationship. You may think this is petty but it is real.
- Do not dish-out or accept bull-shit to/from anyone, no exception. Be yourself and manage your expectations wisely, and you will be sane/mentally healthy. Good luck!
… to be continued.